I slept at around 5am last night trying to get myself to work on a piece that I’ve been meaning to finish for weeks. I want it to look perfect but I find myself hitting the backspace button countless times that I still failed to wrap the project up. Depp inside I am frustrated, but I managed to pull myself together and just went on to watch my favorite shows online as means of distraction.
I woke up at 1pm today. I went on to start my day with my favorite blend of coffee since I feel like I’m too late for breakfast and lunch. I decided to just skip it and get my caffeine fix. I was okay. I felt normal. I even made a list on my mind on what things I should finish today. I also made appointments tomorrow for this new brand I’m working with.
A few hours later, I felt so irritated. I feel like I am about to explode. With no particular cause, my ugly self just took over. My parents called me to eat something and I did take a few bites but then I suddenly got so irritated. I even pushed my plate in anger, subconsciously. What is wrong with me? I’ve been doing well for a couple of days but here I am once again. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I control my emotions and my mind. I just feel so angry and I began to contemplate on my depressive thoughts once again. I just don’t know what triggers me anymore. It is so difficult.
I felt like hurting myself so I rushed to my laptop and logged in right here. I needed to write. I need to vent this out. I don’t even know what it is but I need to get it out of me.
J.
Melancholia 